Excited to sleep

Most of my life I've been a good sleeper. When things get crazy: deadlines, work or travel, I sometimes do more thinking than sleeping. We can all agree that sleep is so sweet if you've missed it or lacked it at some point. Mornings are never my friend.

My father joyed in waking up his grumpy little daughter with a loud voice, bright lights, and shouts of, "Morning, glory!" The funny thing is now that I'm grown up I realize he is not a morning person either. He grunts and muddles through just like I do, but somehow enjoyed tormenting his eldest offspring in this way.

As a child, I was not a napper. I slept well at night but I was rather hostile when made to nap. So dad got some back when I made lot of noise during nap time.

When I was in high school, my parents had a habit of going out to breakfast and I would be chastised if I was still in bed when they got back. This resorted in me jumping out of bed when I heard the garage door and throwing on sweats to pretend that I was really up and at 'em. It was an often feeble attempt to avoid the, "Are you going to stay in bed all day?" discussion. Sometime during college and the first major episode of sleep deprivation I learned the beauty of a good nap and the joy of sleeping in with no one judging.

With no little people to raise, I'm still a big fan of sleeping in on weekends whenever possible. The last few years with the challenges sleeping, I've become even more intense about opportunities to sleep a little extra. I've been accused of not being a grown up in this area but I don't care. The feeling is that strong in me.

The last year has been one of those seasons in my life when sleep has been challenged, but I've developed this odd tick for the first time. I don't know what else to call it.

When I lie down for a nap or for the night, first I relax, pop my neck, breathe deeply. Oh, the bed feels so good....then bam.  I'm so tired I start dreaming before my brain is unplugged.

I don't know how to explain it. I start seeing the dreams, but then my conscious mind says, "Yeah, you're dreaming! You are falling asleep!" And this animates me and I wake up again.

Oh the irony of my mind being so desperate for sleep that it is excited enough to wake me up to celebrate the almost-sleep. Does anyone else get that? I've never done that before the last year. It's definitely a strange new hiccup in my falling sleep pattern.  The more tired I am the more likely it will happen.

I guess I'll go try to drift off and not get so excited that I wake up. May you have sweet and quiet dreams!

Traditional Foods says who?

What's on your table for the holidays? Same thing for Christmas and Thanksgiving? Do you cringe if your "traditional" foods aren't there? I overheard someone recently say they just get a turkey breast and do that for Thanksgiving and I thought, "how sad." Then I realized my own food filter ideas were at work.

Traditional Thanksgiving for me is as follows. Turkey, a big whole golden bird. I'm flexible on where the stuffing is at (in or out of the bird) what with health concerns and all. Some people are not flexible on this. But DO note there IS stuffing.  Gotta be mashed potatoes and gravy. I really prefer REAL gravy, it can be supplemented by some broth of course, but not the mix stuff (oh Lord, I sound like my grandpa!).

Rolls, I would say are a traditional Thanksgiving table item. I'm not major on them because at my age I gotta save calories for the important stuff. I'm in charge of bringing rolls this year. Much to my mom's disappointment (though to her credit she didn't say it outloud exactly) I'm not making them from scratch. I don't think it's the time as much as the mental energy right now.

Cranberry sauce, traditional gotta be on the table. I'm not a fan and don't eat it but it's gotta be there. At the Hartman house, it is made from scratch and actually looks appetizing compared ot the can shape stuff which is sort of fascinating. Maybe I'll try some this year.

Vegetable? I don't have a vegetable in my turkey tradition slot in my brain. I know for many this space is filled with the infamous green bean casserole. I suspect I may the only North American who doesn't care for this that much. Love green beans, but the creamy action in there isn't my favorite. I'll eat it, but saute my green beans in a little bacon fat and I'm happy. But I would even be at peace with another vegetable on the table. No tradition for me here.

Salad. Totally optional. Not tradition for me. Black olives are a side item that I expect often but I think that is left over from my childhood more than their actual presence.

Pumpkin pie is a no brainer of course for dessert. I love pecan pie but didn't always have it growing up with Thanksgiving, but I would say those are the two that need to be on the dessert table.

I have a friend who always has homemade noodles with the Turkey traditional dinner. It's not thanksgiving for her without noodles. What are your gotta haves? What is traditional for you?

Notes to my older self

I've been thinking for the last couple years that there are so many things I can learn from my grandparents and the older people in my life. Some of the things I've learned from direct statements by them but some are by observing their lives.

I wonder though if the younger me, now, maybe is unrealistic for what I will be capable of say in my 70s or 80s, if I make it that far. Or maybe what I think I will want will be dramatically different than I think it is right now.

So here goes. Notes to my older self in no particular order:

• Don't complain. Or at least get it out of my system and move on.
• Try to see something good in each day.
• Shower regularly. 
• Get dressed everyday.
• Keep socializing, even if I don't feel like it.
• Don't get too picky about food or you'll be a prisoner to your own tastes.
• Don't get too picky that no one's help is good enough.
• Stop and smell the flowers.
• If I end up somewhere new, make new friends.
• Tell people you appreciate them while they are here, rather than saying it to others when they're gone.
• If no one invites me, I will invite them. (Christmas, birthdays, etc)
• Try to make it easier for whoever has to take care of things when I'm gone. (downsize and clean out).
• Enjoy what I have even if it means using it up.
• Life is what you make it.
• Use the good dishes.
• Young people help you feel young.
• Cliques exist even in retirement homes. That is never ending.
• Go to the doctor even if I don't want to go. Take the medicine they prescribe according to directions.
• Walk.
• Get time outdoors.
• If you get out of the habit of something, it's over. (cooking, driving, shopping) Keep doing things as long as possible.
• Try to leave space for other music styles, clothes styles, etc. to not all be horrible because they aren't what I liked.

I'm sure there's more. What would you add? Any objections?

I also hope when I'm older I'll be able to afford a cleaning helper and regular pedicures, but I suppose that's pure indulgence.

Of course, I really need to start practicing this stuff now, why not? Right?

An era is over

I'm staying at my grandparents house for the first time since my grandmother died last August. All my life I've stayed at my grandparents and awoke to sounds of plunking around in the kitchen and probably the smell of coffee. My grandparents have always been early risers and the older they've gotten been tinkers in the kitchen. Often we would chuckle as they both chatted in their respective corners of the kitchen and neither seemed to hear the other.

My grandmother died very suddenly from heart failure last year and none of us was expecting or prepared for anything of that nature. Other than a little high cholesterol we had no idea. As we always say, you can never be prepared.

Each time I've left their home for the past 10 years or so, I've wondered if it was the last time I'd see one of them. Someone else in the family has regretted their decision to live in a city away from everyone else, but I've tried to look at it as how fortunate they were to get to follow their hearts.

I don't necessarily regret the time we didn't spend together, but the loss of opportunity to make more memories. I struggle with the guilt of not being "there" wherever that might be since I am living mostly overseas for our work. But more than all of that, I just struggle with the bitter absence of breakfast sounds knowing that it will never be the same and yet rejoicing that I am so fortunate to have had my grandmother until I was 41 years old. I am learning to savor what I do have and have had, even while I swallow my tears.

20 years

Yesterday we celebrated 20 years of marriage - zoink! How is that possible? Now I have been married half my life! We have a big trip planned that we leave for next week. We tried to go this week but the office didn't want us to be gone before the dedication of the new building which is next Tuesday.

So on our anniversary - we went to work where they prayed over us since it was our anniversary. We came home and took our traditional photos on our day - we do that every year and have 20 now - except for the 13th year when the lab lost our film. It was quite chilly here yesterday. In fact this may be the first anniversary that I wore slacks for our photos usually I dress up more.

We went to a restaurant with a wood oven and a charcoal type grill. We arrived at the very Spanish time of 8:30pm. It was VERY Spanish but good quality of what we are used to here. We ordered artichokes with ham (more like prosciutto) roasted together, a salad, and cod stuffed red peppers to share. This was the appetizer and veggie courses and then Dar got lamb chops and I got a steak both grilled. We shared a sort of cheese cake with carmel sauce. We were stuffed.

Here's what we look like after 20 years. I'm too lazy to go upstairs and scan our one year anniversary picture for you to compare. So next week we are going to indulge ourselves in Italy. Spaghetti anyone?

Bateador de Oro

I learned a new phrase this week. You see, my dad arrives Friday for a visit and he came up with an interesting idea. He wants to explore a gold-panning area. Apparently in the north the Romans did a lot of gold mining and people still pan there. So I learned bateador de oro which I'm not totally clear on but I think it means a gold panner.

This is something so completely unusual and off the beaten tourist track that it will be interesting. Dar pointed out that the Spanish came to the new world looking for gold and now my dad is coming back to raid the Old World for their gold. Something funny in that.

It will only be for the weekend, then we'll tourist around here more with Dad and be in the office. He's going to try to finish some work the church started when they were here last fall. So I'll be playing tourist and hostess next week...and gold panner. (Is that even a word/phrase??)