Reading and Cereal

I was reading Linda Castillo's book, Shamed. A murder occurs in an Amish community and the sheriff who was raised Amish and left the community is racing the clock to solve a kidnapping and murder. Good suspense and it kept me engaged. It was book 11 because it was one I randomly grabbed in my library app not wanting to study on what to read. I won't go back in the series but I would read more.

Do you know the term "brought out of the story"? I am pretty easy going about playing along with plots and twists-turns. Grammatical errors and typos always make me pause and think about if the book was published by a big New York firm and that sort of thing. Sometimes something in a story doesn't sound quite true and it will make you stop and think. This is being pulled out of the story instead of staying in the flow. 

While I can highly recommend this book there was one moment that brought me out of the story. The sheriff is talking to the 5 or 6 children under 11 years old. It is late almost bedtime and they are eating cereal. 

I did not grow up Amish but my parents went through some hippie phases. If you want a play on words, they can be a bit granola. In fact, most of my life they have made granola from scratch. We would buy it at times as well as a healthier alternative to processed cereal. I did get to eat cereal from boxes too. It had to be something with some nutrition in my mother's estimation Wheaties or Life Cereal if I begged. I've never had Captain Crunch, still. It was considered sugar and no substance.

I know about home made granola intimately. And we call it granola we don't call it cereal. So this begs the question from me: do Amish communities, or does a conservative Amish family buy cereal? The family in the book is designated as a strict family. Or is there a recipe for cereal that I haven't encountered with my everything made from scratch up bringing?? I find this very interesting. If you happen to know, I'd love to hear. 

It was a silly detail that made me pause in my reading.  I know some Mennonites but they can be very modern so I don't think I'll get my answer there either.

At my house today, I buy my cereal, happily. I mix three varieties including one here in Spain called Chocolic, it is the store brand of the pictured product here which is name brand. Chocolic would not meet my mother's cereal standards, please don't tell her. 

Weirdest places ever slept, part 4, God's house

As part of our day job related fund raising, we travel to all kinds of places and hotels. Sometimes when it is in our nonprofit world, we stay with friends or the locals offer to put us up. This is great as it saves money as we raise it. Several churches have had space to host us and we've always been grateful, but it's also some of the strangest sleeping quarters I've experienced.

I don't know if any of you have ever been in a huge building alone as a kid or an adult. As a kid I remember we'd play hide and seek in the basement of the church I grew up in while the adults ate finger food and drank punch upstairs somewhere. It always seemed like you'd get spooked and run like you'd never run in your life down a dark hallway. Also my dad used to rent "computer time"  in a big office building in downtown KC. I'd be the only person on the 10th floor poking in people's desks and such. Then I'd go even further down to the bathroom and get spooked and run like mad back to the computer room that was completely sealed and sound proof. My dad wouldn't have heard me yelling or running or anything the way it was set up. It was great fun.  I give you this as way as background to the places with dark hallways that might effect odd places I slept as an adult.

The first time we slept in a guest room inside a church it was in a smaller community, but the church could probably seat a couple hundred people. We had a compulsion to walk around and see everything just so we knew where we were at and how the land lay. My significant other sneaked into the sanctuary and tapped on the cymbals while I was in another part of the church getting a drink or something and tried to say it wasn't him. The church folks had thoughtfully put a lock on the door of the room.

One nice thing about a lock is that you are in a huge building alone and it's nice not to feel vulnerable. Two is that folks arrive at all kinds of early hours for church services and you'd like to not introduce yourself in your skivvies.

So another time, another religious institution, the guest room was actually a large lounge with six sofas that made into beds. So you just picked one and opened up. While it was a big space (besides being in a big building) it very distinctly wasn't a single bedroom. We dressed in the attached bathroom.

Well, putting it mildly I'm not an early riser. The early risers in this rural farm community were getting coffee going behind a folding curtain that attached to our room. My significant other got in the shower and gave me a moment to awake. I started worrying this big room was a Sunday School area and I should get moving. I traded the sofa room for the bathroom only to hear pounding on the door of our area. I was about to turn on the shower when my man opened the door and said that I needed to hurry they were going to have to turn off the water.  The snow storm had frozen and broken pipes which were filling the heating system with water. Uhm, okay, no pressure.

When I came out to join in the donuts and early morning church rituals, you could hear the water pounding in the heating vents like tribal drums. Really weird sound.

Okay, so another room another state. This time attached to the men's bathroom as this was the only bathroom that had a shower. My spouse taught me that it is inappropriate to balance one's makeup bag on the handle of a urinal, but honestly you just work with whatever space you have and there wasn't any. We stayed in this arrangement for eight weeks. It was in a urban spill from a very large city. The kitchen was in the basement which meant walking through the sanctuary (in the dark) and down some stairs and hallways to the kitchen for hot water or microwaves etc. So I had to psych myself up for the journey (see the paragraph of childhood basement running above!).

It was fine and we didn't mind. These are just the little challenges you don't think of unless you stay a place as unusual as the back of thousands of square feet of public use space. After a few days, someone from the pastoral family mentioned that we needed to double check the side door by the sanctuary (not the one we used in the back dark parking lot!) because it didn't always latch and sometimes homeless people came inside to get warm. No big deal but it was best to check. Yeah. Note to self check the doors and the dark hallways on the way to the far away kitchen.

So then my significant one had to leave for another meeting and I got to stay there completely alone for two weeks. It was fine. Really. So maybe yes, I ran a couple times thru dark hallways, but I was grateful for somewhere to stay. It probably helped the intensity of my prayers!

Lessons not learned

I guess there are things that are going to be a challenge all my days. I look back at things I blogged about last year that still haunt me. Or something I'll read in a book or the Bible one day that seems so apropos and so applicable and then I can't seem to make it work in my soul the very next day. Apparently "getting it right" (is that a perfectionist voice sticking out?) isn't goine to be a one time project but an ongoing life long process. I remember as a teenager recognizing that I am overly self-sufficient (self dependent?) and have struggled to put things in God's hands. So what do I struggle with when I'm ahem, 40-something? I'm self-sufficient and don't trust.

Last year I blogged in "I'm damaging my calm" about knowing God's love is unconditional and yet finding myself straining and thinking well, if I tried harder at this or that....maybe I'd get better results. I blame myself for the results rather than trusting in a loving God who cares about me and living whole in that, end of sentence, nothing to do with what I DO.

One thing that I know that is a constant challenge for me is not knowing when enough is enough. In the fund raising process, as I've complained a few times in the last year, it is slow and there is very little feedback on whether things are working or not. So that "getting it right" voice, says, "well, maybe if you....fill in the blank." I have over the last year or maybe always not known when I've done my best and when I've crossed the line into striving. This has come at the price of a deep exhaustion this year. Do you have any tricks for knowing when enough is enough?

The odd thing is I still know and believe but somehow don't know how to function in the fact that I am God's precious child. I do not need to earn his acceptance or approval but simply accept that love. But I am the child on the swings, sure of the Father's love, yet calling out to him, "Do you see me? See how high I swing? Is it good?" And I think all the time, He may be trying to get me to go inside and have a nap.

Review: 3 Self Help Type Books

I was reading a writing ezine recently and they put out the challenge to review all the books you read. I have thought of this but have never set out to do it. I don't know that my "readership" is really that interested in my book choices but I figured why not? In order to sort of facilitate this and catch up to 2011, I am combining several books here.

January for some reason was a month of mostly nonfiction, personal improvement, self help books. Any of you who've been reading know I prefer fiction and slow down immensely when I read nonfiction. Two of these books were started last year and finished in January. These books had been recommended by various sources so I wanted see what I could glean from them.

Telling Yourself the Truth by Backus and Champion
This was recommending to me by a professional in the self help industry as well as a friend who had read it. This is my second reading and I started it in 2010 and finished it in January. It is written from a completely Christian view, yet it does not give in to trite answer to serious challenges. It does use scripture to augment what is essentially cognitive therapy boiled down (from a nonprofessional perspective). I can recommend this book and will probably revisit it from time to time during hard phases of life.


Expectations and Burnout, Women Surviving the Great Commission, by Eenigenburg & Bliss
Obviously this book has a more narrow audience in mind. It was expensive to buy as it is more of an academic book. I think it was based partly on someone's thesis where research questionnaires were filled out and collated into statistics. However if you are a missionary I could recommend it because between the sometimes surprising responses to the study questionnaire is enough personal experience of burnout and missions agency challenges to be very worthwhile. It has really challenged me to try to get away and spend some time in deep reflection and evaluation. I hope to schedule that sometime soon.


Thrilled to Death, How the Endless Pursuit of Pleasure is Leaving us Numb, by Hart
I set out to find another book by this author that someone recommended but this was the one the library had and it sounded interesting. It was. It is both a psychological explanation of studies of something called anhedonia. This is when things that once brought pleasure do not or it takes more and more extreme things to enjoy ourselves. This is a symptom seen in many mental illnesses today and can also not accompany any illness other than not really enjoying oneself anymore. I skimmed several chapters that did not apply to me (kids and anhedonia etc) but found the second half of the book very interesting as a 7 step process to overcome this and learn to enjoy life and small things as well as big ones again. The writer is a Christian but unlike the first book I described he isn't speaking to Christians except in a couple places in the book where he specifically says so. There's a great description on meditative prayer as well as simple sound advice that pulls you back from the brink of overstimulation.

That's 3 out of 5 books for January. I'll do the fiction books I've read separately and then try to keep up more as the year progresses.

An attempt at Satire

In Klingistan, the people are small and green. A new leader decided all the people of the kingdom would wear yellow shirts. He had found a law in the history books that said he could tell the people what to wear. So, "Only yellow shirts," he declared. "Starting on Tuesday at 9am, everyone will wear yellow shirts. Always."

One fellow, we'll call him, Adam didn't want to wear a yellow shirt.

Another person, Anna, had to make her own and she asked for a two hour deviation. By 11am she could have her shirt done, but 9 wasn't quite going to work.

Tuesday came and the leader sent the police out to enforce his new law. Many people didn't take it seriously, so he created a special police force just for the yellow shirt policy. Anna was arrested first for not being on time.

Adam started speaking out in the streets wearing a, gulp, blue shirt. He called for the yellow shirt law to be abolished and Anna to be released from prison.

Well, in the tradition of the green people the leader had to be followed. It just had to be done. The ancient writings said so. The leader sent the yellow shirt police to disband the crowd, even though they all wore their yellow shirts. It wasn't seemly for them to gather together and listen to that Adam fellow talk ill of the leader. You see speaking ill of the leader was also forbidden in the land. The original leader of the green people, many hundreds of years ago, had said so.

The shirt police fired shots into the crowd, live ammunition, killing several people. The red blood soaked their yellow shirts. No one would be allowed to congregate in the public squares, yellow shirts or no. Poor Adam, who felt he had something to say, was arrested.

It was a big event in Klingistan and well, a man who worked for the newspaper had happened by during the gathering. He was intrigued and took notes from a distance. So he wrote a little observation piece for the local paper. He tried very hard to only tell what had happened because he knew it would be sensitive. The next day the newspapers flew off the stands. All the green people who weren't at the gathering were fascinated and wanted to know what had occurred exactly.

You can imagine it wasn't long before whispering was going on among the green people. Even though the leader said so, well some weren't sure if the arrest of Anna or Adam was the for the best, but then tradition said they must obey the leader. It was perplexing, but no one was sure what could be done.

The shirt police went to the newspaper and talked to the poor observant fellow. His choice was to, well, clarify the story, perhaps recant some things or face losing his job, maybe going to prison. He got going on a new version of the event. The printer sent couriers out on the streets to gather in the unsold papers.

When Adam's family saw the newspaper the next day with the new version, they were disturbed. They knew they couldn't say anything against the leader. But poor Adam sitting in prison. He had a different opinion yes, but, well it was disturbing.  They went to the religious house in their neighborhood. It seemed they ought to appeal to a higher power on Adam's behalf.

While his mother knelt at the front, the state police entered the back of the building. A large green officer, cleared his throat loudly. "Excuse me, you will all have to leave this place. It is not a sanctioned place of worship. It deviates from the tradition. The ban is effective now."

Everyone sat or knelt frozen in place contemplating this announcement. Stunned.

"You need to leave, NOW!"

The startled group shuffled out. The general police nailed the door shut and posted a notice of where a legal place of worship existed. Adam's mother grasped the officer's arm, "Is this because of Adam?"

He shook her off. "No," he straightened the yellow uniform blazer. "I don't know what you are talking about. This worship place doesn't abide with the tradition. The new leader wants to enforce the old traditions. We must enforce it."

The poor woman sobbed as she walked home. Something didn't feel right, even though the traditions were being followed. Somehow she felt dirty or wrong. She also had a conviction she would never see Adam again. And she didn't.

the end


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Battle ship vs cruise ship

I heard someone use the phrase this year about the church universal - do you treat it as a cruise ship or a battle ship? Are you a visitor who wants to be entertained and catered to? Or do you see us in a battle together and we all have a role to fulfill to survive?

After circulating in a variety of churches all over the country throughout 2010, we've made some interesting speculations. We had a sense and were told by many that the church had changed during our almost 5 year absence. That was definitely true. We also talk to pastors all over who are searching right now. It's like something is off keel but no one is quite sure what.

One observation we feel is confirmed by pastors is that the church in general has become even more of a spectator event than it was before we left. I'd always heard the statistic that it is 20 percent, or pick a number but a small one, of church goers that do the work (teach, clean, nursery etc). It seems there is much more of a sense of: what can you (the church) do for me?

In one sense, church does do something for us. Hopefully, we learn more and are fed more about God and grow closer to him. The church needs to be directing the traffic in our lives toward more of Christ and not less. But in the same measure while works do not save us or get us into heaven, I wonder if we are participants or merely spectators.

God does not require any sort of list of fulfillments to accept us or validate our Christianity. I'm thinking of this more from the angle of a community of Christ perspective. We are called to be the "body of Christ" that is what the church is. We all have different roles and abilities and we use them uniquely to help propel ourselves and others toward Christ and introduce Christ to those who don't know him. At least in theory.

So is our cultures' new slow leaning toward entertainment driven lives harming our perspective of the church? Or harming the way church functions?  If the staff members of the church, use all their energy just barely keeping the normal functionality going, when will they be able to dream to take the church deeper, or expand the church through outreach?

I don't have any answers, nor do I believe my opinions here are definitive. I know I've been guilty of being a spectator from time to time, but I want who I am and how my church is to be drawing people to Christ, not simply entertainment that releases some measure of guilt in my week.

Christian marketing

I've heard some discussions in my book world, in my video production world and speculated that the same is true in music the music world. All of these in regard to Christian products.

I know that when a book or video distributor/printer becomes successful they have guidelines. This can be good in that it guides them to choose projects that are a good fit for their company, but I'm beginning to suspect that some of the parameters and rules placed on art by the big companies, publishers, distributors (THEM for lack of a better term) have turned it into a repetitious formula. The danger with this is that new artists or styles don't find a commercial voice even if they have minor success on local levels.

It's like THEY by finding a formula of movies, books, or dare I say it music, dictate what can and cannot be popular. Now this is true in both secular and Christian circles but I've been thinking about it in regard to the Christian market place.

I heard a lecture about the so-called rules for a Christian movie that places like Sony are putting on things they will distribute. It's not moral convictions. It's just that x + y has equaled marketing success. SO, no sex, no bad words, no, no whatever the rules fill in the blank. Christian books have similar limits. I once heard an acquiring editor for a Christian press say they did not accept any book with a divorced protagonist or significant other. So how believable and realistic are these pieces? Bad guys who aren't too bad (no swearing). Good guys who are, well, too perfect (no sins). Do you ever see something that doesn't quite ring true but it was pretty good, just not quite? Maybe it didn't have believable characters. Maybe it followed the formula for financial, marketing success but not necessarily the most satisfying story it could be. Maybe a tiny bit of reality was squeezed out of it so it would fit better in the Christian system.

I had been thinking these things in my head driving around and I was listening to the radio. I'm a station flipper when left alone. I flip til I like a song then flip again. I kept trying the Christian station and flipping away. It was all that sort of country sounding alternative songs and all sounding the same (and not to my taste). It occurred to me that the Christian radio mavens and masters have done the same thing that the Christian book and movie guardians had. Only one style is getting through because it fits the formula. I'm absolutely positive there are Christians out there with other musical sounds and granted I'm a flipper so there is much I miss, but still.

Not to say the secular world doesn't do the same thing, but it's disappointing as someone who wants to move in those circles to think I have to fit some odd uncomfortable formula to be considered "legitimate." Sorry to say I'm probably not gonna fit.

What's a missionary?

When I was a kid, in the (ahem) 70s, it was getting to the end of a legalistic battle of generations. The culture of rules defining the evidence of your faith was struggling. Even though my family wasn't big on the rule scene, it permeated the landscape and my grandparents were definitely in the old school camp.

So slacks or jeans at church were bad for women. Missing church was bad. The judge was still out on pierced ears.  Movie theaters could keep you from the rapture (not in my family but in my friend's). Rock music was blasted by many as of the devil though some would tolerate "Christian" rock. Drinking and smoking were straight tracks to...well you get the idea.

So somewhere in all of that without really meaning for it to happen a subliminal idea of "holiness" lodged in my mind. So as a (ahem) 30 something person God started dealing with to become a missionary, I felt at a distinct disadvantage. I am not all these "holiness" things that my mind would tell me I must be to fit the "missionary" mold.

I mean "real" missionaries would never watch movies or listen to *gulp* rock music. Right? Or prefer jeans over skirts and high heels? Or like reading secular novels?

It seems the deeper I go with God, the more I realize that by some remarkable miracle God uses damaged people. Even more amazing, He redeems us bit by bit from our brokenness and occasionally we do something good for his kingdom with a vast amount of His mercy and help. But that's the point, He did the miracle and we are evidence of His love.

It's not an easy discussion to have

Lately I've been pondering a very sticky issue. Pacifism - in regards to all of the variety of definitions, personal restraint from military participation, the belief that no country should resolve differences with war, and just a personal opposition to war or violence of any kind.

In the past, I would have answered quickly that well, yes, I believe in using war at times to resolve things. However, recently I've heard some compelling arguments using the New Testament for pacifism in all circumstances. I also have read recently of Ghandi and Martin Luther King Jr's use of nonviolent protest to cause change. Both the groups that followed these men used nonaggression in their protests and met with violence. The world and their nations grew in their compassion for the causes watching the unprovoked violence that was done to the protestors. Again very compelling.

I recognize as a believer that Jesus did not chose, at the ultimate hour of his suffering, to react with violence to what was done to him; nor did he endorse his followers using violence during that dark hour of his being taken by authorities and eventually killed. His "pacifism" in this case did not result in a physical change like Ghandi's. It was a spiritual triumph and a philosophical change for sure, but the Pharisees and Sadducees as a body of legislators did not become "converted" or changed as a system. Not a huge success physically in the non-agression annals, while I do believe it changed the universe spiritually.

The idea of love changing people and systems is very appealing to me. Convicting even. I think in Martin Luther King Jr's case it wasn't that it was love by the protesters as much as a non-agression policy. The same with Ghandi. Yet, it was powerful. But people did die. It wasn't a bloodless event in either case.

If this was followed very strictly, our country would not exist as we know it. While we can trust in God to be at work, it seems that we have Biblical precedent to act in behalf of others. "Greater love hath no man than he lay down his life for his brothers." (John 15:13, 1 John 3:16 and many more). Jesus indeed laid down his life for all of us without a personal benefit to himself.

So I ask myself if fighting tyranny and bringing liberty or freedom, to another group of people is worth sacrificing for? Or even to an individual? I mean that is what Ghandi and others have done with non-aggression, right? But would this same manner have worked in the Nazi situation or were drastic measures called for? I know many Jews tried to go along passively until suddenly they were out of opportunities to escape or resist or bring about change.

On an individual level, I realize we are called on to love. We are never to persecute an individual, but we also hold standards out to all individuals. We don't love them into complete acceptance of every action. (pedophilia, murder) So it seems limits, don't mean that we aren't loving. We may be introducing people to something better, healthier even by placing restrictions on them rather than tolerating everything. Not all things are good for an individual. So when is it our loving responsibility to take action? When a woman is being attacked, does she love or fight her attacker? Does a bystander stop the attacker or find a passive way to protest the situation?

Can the same argument be taken to a larger scale? Sometimes pacifism works - Romania's velvet revolution (though some died). But what do we do with Tienanmen Square in China where people were squelched and imprisoned? I want liberty and freedom for everyone so they have a chance to hear about Christ and make a decision for themselves and for them to live without physical tyranny. Surely that's not a bad motivation? I find personal liberty to be part of what Christ stood for. He didn't stone the woman caught in adultery - he set her free and stopped her attackers. (Yes, I acknowledge he did it without violence.)

Honestly, I haven't resolved this issue. I'm fascinated by both sides and find the subject more complicated than I used to. I know we are living under a different time period than the eye for an eye time period of the Bible, but I'm not sure I can go to complete pacifism in all circumstances either. Another stretching place in my character...

Who am I? Are you ever surprised at yourself?

Three things have come to my attention lately and taken together are a challenge to the way I think about myself. Taken separately they seem innocuous enough, but when I put them together it makes me wonder.

1. In July, I visited my grandfather and he was saying something about Jimmy Swaggert who he likes very much, likes to watch on tv and listen to his music on cd from the good ol' days. I made a negative comment based on Jimmy's infamous fall from grace and grandpa said he repented and we shouldn't hold it against him. I didn't argue that Jimmy refused the restoration process or that perhaps the fall should preclude him from telling people from a leadership role how to serve God. But I thought that.

2. I heard a Christian dvd that at one point did one of those personality analysis. It was sort of like, "oh, yeah, another one," but this one used what I would call a more clear break down of the 4 personality types. Perfect, Peace, Fun, and ? okay I forgot the 4th. What I realized was that while I have strong other characteristics, the perfect category dominates me. Not that by any stretch I'm perfect, but that I'm sometimes paralyzed and very motivated by trying to get things "right" and keep them "on track" and that helps me feel like things are right in the world.

3. I read that Martin Luther King Jr had numerous affairs right up until he died and that he plagerized. This disappointed me so much. I was also surprised I'd never heard it, but it was a reliable source I was reading. It sort of lessened his role for me. It tarnished him and I was surprised that everyone had accepted him so much in this leadership with these flaws.

But in recognizing my shock and disappointment; and putting it together with the other two events above I realized how I was throwing out the person and all their work in one fell swoop. Taking this with #2 I realized I have a very high (too high?) standard for leadership. Or maybe it's not that the standard is too high, but that I throw everything out all at once, including their achievements, if it is flawed.  I would say this was a subconscious thing until this week.

Honestly, as I contemplate it I'm not comfortable with the judgmentalism I suddenly recognize in myself but in the same breath I don't feel comfortable with accepting simply any behavior in a leader. I think I need to learn to accept that some good can come from these flawed people and that it doesn't necessarily delegitimize that good if they (gasp) are terribly human and give in to temptation. Something I read said if we only accept truth from flawless people we are all in trouble. I'm not going to sign up for any fan clubs  of fallen and flawed Christians and I will most assuredly have greater respect for the Billy Grahams who don't give in to the dirty laundry of the world as the norm, but what an amazing thing to realize about myself at this point in life. It's time to grow.

Fruitful conflict

So yesterday was an election day and today I read an American Spectator article that emphasized the dichotomy of our country in the political arena. The odd thing is I feel like I'm watching the same thing occuring in the church (in general not one church).

A constant tension exists between what young want, what old want, what music style is preferred, the length of church, the frequency of church, the length of music the length and style of preaching. It's like we as a society are fractured and no longer know how to communicate.

Each side of the equation (political and church) call each other wrong. The Christians can go so far as to say sin and evil. Politicians call each other liars. This has been a sad part of society for me to realize since I've been back in the USA. It may have always been there and for some reason my absence and return brought it to the forefront.

But within the church I had a strange and I'm sure completely unrealistic thought. What would our conflicts look like if we were ruled by the fruit of the Holy Spirit when we dealt with one another and the issues. What if love, joy, peace, patience, self control, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and faithfulness were our watch words in dealing with how others want to do church. I know many of the arguers would say no -- they are being faithful because it is WRONG. But, the situation could still be handled with love, joy and peace surely? Alas, no, it seems not. And this makes me sad.

Silence and Affirmation

It's interesting that we often take silence as disapproval, but it is often not the case. People forget to say good job or atta-girl. Some tasks and work goes unnoticed. For those of us with who have a greater need for that acknowledgment (love language?), the silence can be painful and negative.

When the affirmation does come, it has that soothing effect of balm on a sore or water in the desert. Ahhhhh.

But I keep asking myself and have been challenged by speakers - what if I could find my affirmation solely and uniquely in how Jesus views me? What if I knew I was so precious to God and He would go to great lengths to have a relationship with me? Really knew it deep in my psyche? Wouldn't that be wonderful?

So harking back to the previous entry, the same author made the comment that Jesus went through the silent years when we know nothing of him. The teens and twenties pass with God not turning him loose to do his calling. But what is the first thing out of the silence that happens? The voice of God comes from heaven after his baptism, "This is my son in whom I am well please." A beautiful affirmation.

God was pleased before Jesus DID all the things he is famous for doing. It reminds me of the phrase before we knew Him, he loved us. What great thoughts. I want to press them into my soul and see that God is affirming me even when I don't meet my own standards of perfection and He is taking me to a better version of me on the journey.

Obscurity

How many of us live our existence is relative obscurity? We have our friends and family but we don't have something infamous or famous and yet what great significance we have.

This theme first occurred to me last week when a memorial video was played of missionaries who have died in the last year who were with my missions organization. All of them were quite old and had fought the good fight and won the race. It made me sad because I thought of grandma who passed in the last year. Some part of me hurt because no one would show a slide show about her month later. Yet, a voice cried out in my mind because I remember and celebrate her, it is okay. She may have lived an obscure life but it was important in its unique way.

The next day there was a lecture by Alicia Britt Chole. She had a very challenging idea that I had not heard presented before in Christian circles. She noted, very eloquently, that nearly of of Christ's existence was hidden. He had this moment of bursting on the scene as an infant, an appearance at the temple, a brief fleeing as a toddler. Next we see him in the temple as a youth and then not again until he is 30 years old. Most of this time is hidden from us. Her challenge was that he became the person he needed to be for his ministry years in that obscurity. It was not "wasted" as we might think of it from a purely public relations, marketing perspective. It was development.

So the third thing this week that made me think of obscurity was receiving my alumni news magazine from my college. It used to make me think dreadful thoughts about how little I've done with my life, but this time I thought differently as I read the accolades of fellow alum. I searched it in a selfish way wondering who might be a connection to someone who would support our missions work or who of these people might be compelled also by our goals. But I also realized that we all send in our current status in an attempt to pull out of our obscurity for a moment. To shine out in the crowd. I too do these things, but for some reason all these things this week have made me realize there is no shame in obscurity. No waste in our quiet bits of life that don't appear on lots of radar screens. Perhaps there is something of treasure there if we know how to look.

Why Madrid?

We do media work out of Madrid, Spain. It's missionary work that reaches into at least 20 other languages right now and has been in as many as 50 languages at any given time. It's nice to live in Spain, but honestly I'd rather be back in KC with friends and family, but I know I have a mission from God to do this work.

So the most frequently asked question: Why Madrid? The group we work with International Media Ministries used to be in Brussels, Belgium. We thought we were going back there originally, but after we applied to be missionaries the police raided the building in Brussels. The story that I've heard is that they cracked down on visas and someone at the church nearby wasn't quite legal and somehow that spilled across the street to IMM and other ministries. Eventually negotiations opened up the opportunity for the church and school to continue, but the authorities didn't budge on the media people having visas.

So a search started for somewhere else to locate the ministry. We weren't part of this and don't know the whole story except they were looking a lot of places. The Spanish church offered some land and said they believed in IMM. Free land and support, a done deal.

Spain as it turns out is very arid and looks a bit like the lands Jesus walked on earth and so we are able to shoot a lot of things around the corner from our new offices in olive groves. That was an unexpected benefit. Our productions because of people and location, do not look American. That's important when we are sending it into a variety of places in the world, some of which are hostile to the US or don't want to be fed "western" ideas. It's a bit of divine serendipity that occured with the move to Spain.

We are also sort of mid-way in the world for working with people from other cultures on projects be they from Asia, Africa, or other parts of Europe. We are also at hand for the variety of broadcaster meetings and connections that are often made in Europe. This is how we get the products we make out on the airwaves, so the meetings are crucial to getting the good news out to people.

So it has been a blessing we never expected. The people have been very kind to us as foreigners in their land and we have learned a lot living there. We do enjoy our time in Spain, but it's certainly not Kansas.

Fads or phases?

As many of you know, I am deeply moved by the suffering of women caught in human trafficking or living in societies that marginalize women. We are beginning to see a lot on news casts, from non-profits, and religious organizations with these themes. CNN Video and article Iranian women in jeopardy

I am moved to the point of it impacting my life and what I strive to do, but I remember other times when the church or society has gotten behind things and then, well, lost interest. It's not that the issue goes away or is miraculously cured, but I wonder if it is that we wear out our collective consciousness on a certain theme or subject. Am I wrong? Can you see this?

In the 1980s, as a teenager the issue was abortion. Obviously a painful topic for those who have experienced and a sensitive one for those against it. There were conferences and marches and legislation limiting who could get what, where, and where the protesters could stand and so on.

AIDS also arose a bit later in the 80s and through the 90s we heard much about it. Movie stars took up the cause and did fund raisers and raised awareness. Africa has suffered hugely under this burdensome disease. Still no cure, medications to help things, but are we still deeply embedded with the message?

I am not saying, please don't get me wrong, that these example issues are not still important they are. But that's my point, we don't shout as loud as we once did. I'm already concerned about the day we move on from the victims of trafficking. Not that they will all be freed but our consciousness will be called away.

Am I imagining these "fads" of interest or is this real?

Advice for pastors in book form

I heard once that legally you have to disclose if you get a book for free and review it. That may only be in print, but there's my discloser.

This book is aimed at pastors and keep in mind that I am not one, nor have I ever been one. I was intrigued to know what their challenges are because I meet and talk to pastors in the fund raising for missions part of my life.

Dick Hardy takes a down-to-earth no nonsense approach to church management and growth. While he emphasizes time and time again, the need for earnest prayer in the journey the tips he does give are practical.

Twenty-seven Tough Questions Pastors Ask strikes me as a great introductory read in the area of pastoral problems. It is the tip of the proverbial iceberg. It's a small book and could have been expanded to include more detail in specifics. i.e. In discussing a budget: "Always prepare for the worst and when it happens you will not be caught off guard...Be smart and exercise aggressive conservatism in the management of your budget." This IS good advice, but you sort have to know what that means already in order to do it.

If someone has an accompanying natural leadership capability, leadership book, or good street smarts they will get a ton, out of this book. I imagine lots of pastors are leader-ly, but some may need help knowing what that looks like in real life. This book is a step in that direction and leaves room for Hardy to write another book on the subject.

Based on past posts, I should say this book seems to have come through a self-publishing route and it seems to be edited pretty smoothly and have a good look for the cover. It was an interesting peek into the pastoral world. I'm sure it is going to be a good tool to feed into the author's consulting business. www.thehardygroup.org

Ring of Fire

A couple weeks ago, I got to witness the spectacular prairie fires of the Flint Hills. During the day, these were marked by giant plumes of smoke billowing in the distance and then as we drew nearer we would see pockets of fire gnawing it's way across cattle country in thin lines. But then we saw them at night. Incredible - one of the new wonders of the world in my opinion. I'm so glad we saw them.

It was other worldly and surreal. Rings of orange fire burning on a totally black background and gray smoke differentiating the sky. The fire burns in small lines and uses up the dried winter wisps of prairie grass. It isn't a raging fire but pockets, lines, and rings. When it meets a damp spot or a gulley, it just dies out.


We read at the truck stop that the fires are set and also occur naturally as lightening strikes with the spring storms. Also the Native American's used to set the fires to have better grazing lands that would attract buffalo herds.

It also said that the fires are good for the vegatation. Apparently a variety of grasses and wildflowers are rooted 10-15 feet deep in the rolling hills and without the fires, the full scope of vegatation won't happen. A couple weeks later driving through the same section, it was already getting green and the parts that had not burned were still a tangle of brown winter grass.

I was thinking how as people it is so hard to change. We don't want the challenges and the suffering that life brings. I was thinking about the economic fire that is burning in the world today. What if we need the surface scorched off in a brief prairie fire in order to let the good, deeper things emerge? Will we know what is important and what our priorities are because we've had to go through this economic fire? God can use the scorched earth of these hard times to bring out the better and deeper things in us. Something beautiful, full, rich and green. If only I can see past the fire, to the wildflowers and bounty beyond.

Must we?

Lately I've been wondering why we can't all get along.

Recently I've come across several fairly vicious Christian criticisms of other Christians. I know in the course of the world the denominations of Christianity have split over a host of doctrinal issues. I have no doubt that the crucial doctrine in question seemed important enough to start a new church...but now we have a lot of name brands if you will that mostly agree on a lot of things. I'm not saying denominations should give up their differences what's bothering me is the individual attacks.

Take for instance the worship wars. The debate between old and new music. Style in my opinion but someone recently said the new style has no depth and is useless and not spiritual at all. I'm willing to say all things are not beneficial but much is about perspective and to right off an entire portion of the population because you don't like it is pretty rough stuff.  The thing is this goes both ways; the older people don't like the new music and the younger people don't like the old music. No one is happy. We can't look around and say, I don't like this but it ministers to someone here, so I will close my eyes and worship God and ignore what I don't like. I would argue it's style but someone recently told me - no,  there is no content. Wow.

A VERY popular book in recent years referred to as cultic, major hits by major radio/tv preachers at other really famous preacher guys. Emerging "style" or mega-church style versus old school. It's not an argument of style but an accusation of only tickling ears and leading people astray. Astray? So the basic tenet of Jesus born of a virgin, died, rose from the dead and he is the only way isn't common ground that you can say, "Hey, I don't like your style" and just go on?

Is there so little evil in the world that the Christian community has to resort to attacking itself? Is what in my perview is style so important that we send our fellow believers to hell on these things? I know sometimes the doctrinal issues pop up in these things. I went to a church for several years and finally one day had to say, that doctrine isn't lining up with my Bible. While I moved on and I'm uncomfortable with certain tv preachers and that version of Christianity, I wouldn't say those people are going to hell. I also wouldn't contributre to their ministry or encourage others in that path. But do I need to lambast them?

Nevermind the individual version of this where we judge people for hair or clothes or smelling of smoke or drink or whatever. We seem to be on the judging train both corporately for other versions of church as well as individually for those personal sins and issues as well.

What a shock that the people who don't go to church don't want to come.  I have tried to imagine the impact we human beings could have if we loved like Jesus, unconditionally and yet with such purity it makes sin run. I know I'm not doing that idea justice, what about you?