Wakery -- do you have it?

Wakery. I've had it as long as I can remember. Now I have a name for it which I made up myself.

I'm a grown up but I wake up angry. Every morning that I do not awake completely naturally with no external noise or alarms or neighborhood sounds, I am angry. My first conscious thought is usually, "Nooooooooo." Or perhaps just a sound of horror more than an actual word.

I am not articulate for quite some time after I rise. I actually don't and sometimes cannot answer people trying to communicate with me immediately.

My father took great delight when I was very tiny and even later in flipping lights and crying out, "Morning, Glory!" very loudly. Did I mention I wake angry? I even got in trouble a few times for too much anger at these moments. The irony of this is as I've gotten older, my dad is not an early nor instant riser either. He tormented me knowing how difficult it was. Misery loves company I guess.

It needed it's own word. My significant other gets Hangry on a regular basis (angry when hungry) and I thought: why do the hungry grumpy people get all the special words?

It is waking that troubles me and makes me not a great human being. It can be remedied. Even without caffeine (for many years I was caffeine free, alas, no more), I would come around in an hour or so. I can speak with civility and begin to converse.

My man of many years of matrimony saw this trait in his spouse early on and to his immense credit has never abused this personality challenge of mine. He is very kind in trying to wake me on work days or airport days. He is one of those people who wakes automatically BEFORE the alarm. I don't even understand that.  He turns off the alarm before it shocks me. If I'm dead to the world which is often he will pat the end of the bed gently to begin my waking. At times, he just touches my arm, but then I jerk awake with a heart attack and scare him too. (Wakery with palpitations?)

The worst thing now as an adult is to be at some event and share a hotel room with acquaintances. At least my friends and spouse know by now that there will be no talking, chatting, question asking. If I share with someone who is going to get up at horrible o'clock and meditate or exercise, even if they think they have been quiet, I'm awakened and must pretend I'm asleep so I don't do any bodily harm to someone. Why would you attend an event that went until late and get up at 5 a.m.? Why? Why would you dry your hair if someone is lying in a bed 5 feet away just because you like to rise early? It's probably saved me being committed that I'm inarticulate at those moments.

I feel like there's some unwritten rule somewhere that because I'm an adult (and likely not considered a young one at that!) that I'm suppose to rise early naturally or happily or normally. Nope. Didn't get that memo and while it can be embarrassing with people of that ilk, there is no denying it. Whatever it says about me -- I get wakery.

Excited to sleep

Most of my life I've been a good sleeper. When things get crazy: deadlines, work or travel, I sometimes do more thinking than sleeping. We can all agree that sleep is so sweet if you've missed it or lacked it at some point. Mornings are never my friend.

My father joyed in waking up his grumpy little daughter with a loud voice, bright lights, and shouts of, "Morning, glory!" The funny thing is now that I'm grown up I realize he is not a morning person either. He grunts and muddles through just like I do, but somehow enjoyed tormenting his eldest offspring in this way.

As a child, I was not a napper. I slept well at night but I was rather hostile when made to nap. So dad got some back when I made lot of noise during nap time.

When I was in high school, my parents had a habit of going out to breakfast and I would be chastised if I was still in bed when they got back. This resorted in me jumping out of bed when I heard the garage door and throwing on sweats to pretend that I was really up and at 'em. It was an often feeble attempt to avoid the, "Are you going to stay in bed all day?" discussion. Sometime during college and the first major episode of sleep deprivation I learned the beauty of a good nap and the joy of sleeping in with no one judging.

With no little people to raise, I'm still a big fan of sleeping in on weekends whenever possible. The last few years with the challenges sleeping, I've become even more intense about opportunities to sleep a little extra. I've been accused of not being a grown up in this area but I don't care. The feeling is that strong in me.

The last year has been one of those seasons in my life when sleep has been challenged, but I've developed this odd tick for the first time. I don't know what else to call it.

When I lie down for a nap or for the night, first I relax, pop my neck, breathe deeply. Oh, the bed feels so good....then bam.  I'm so tired I start dreaming before my brain is unplugged.

I don't know how to explain it. I start seeing the dreams, but then my conscious mind says, "Yeah, you're dreaming! You are falling asleep!" And this animates me and I wake up again.

Oh the irony of my mind being so desperate for sleep that it is excited enough to wake me up to celebrate the almost-sleep. Does anyone else get that? I've never done that before the last year. It's definitely a strange new hiccup in my falling sleep pattern.  The more tired I am the more likely it will happen.

I guess I'll go try to drift off and not get so excited that I wake up. May you have sweet and quiet dreams!