How do you know?

I just finished a book of true crime about a woman in Kansas City who poisoned her husband, not killing him, and later, burned her house down with her children in it. One of the three escaped.

I hardly ever read true crime. People who know I read mysteries find this strange, but the true crimes is just too creepy because at no point can you say, "Oh, it's just a story." I was intrigued enough to read this one because it is set here.

This woman could be vivacious and witty and the life of the party, but in her personal relationships she had no coping skills and would throw intense temper tantrums when things did not go her way. Toward the end of the story several people in her life felt that somehow the system had failed that no one had called in outside intervention before death happened. (The husband had tried to have her committed to work on emotional issues but she had been released after three days, partly because she was very good at seeming congenial when necessary.

So I'm not here to rehash simply an old crime, but the question this left me with is how do you know when someone is too unstable or too far gone and something has to be done.  Off the top of my head, I can think of three unstable people in my life who can seem "the life of the party" and can be fun in social situations. These same people in other moments would terrify me if they were at my front door unexpectedly. I would probably not open it, depending on the circumstances.

So the people in this crime story didn't seem to know it was time to intervene. Everyone kept saying, "I didn't think she would hurt her children. They were so important to her." So when do you know that someone has crossed over? Do we recognize a precipitating event when we see one or only after the cataclysm has happened do we see it?

I suppose if the answer to this was clear the field of psychology and analysis would be much more straight forward. For law enforcement, the answer is easier to say but harder to live with. You can't arrest someone because they might commit a crime or are suspicious. They have to violate the law before their rights can be taken. You can't call the cops if someone in your life has been erratic or suspicious -- until they won't leave your house or something. So how do you know when to get help or intervention for someone? Don't we always think, "No, they wouldn't REALLY do anything,"?

Zzzzzzzz

I have told this story verbally many times, but I had an occasion this week to tell it to a pastor who so enjoyed it I figured I would share it here.

Six years a go we were raising funds to go do the media missions work in Spain that we do. It was (and is) a slow process in our system of visiting various churches and sharing the vision we have to touch people with God's love.

Part of this process is calling various pastors and asking them to schedule a visit. The system we are under feels like we need to do 10 meetings a month like this (either with the pastor individually or the whole church). As a missionary phone solicitor, It's tricky to fill the schedule. Plus you have to try to meet new pastors and people all the time because you never know who is going to be the key person in a budget or a project.

We had a service scheduled further afield in Missouri last time and I called and called every church between that place and back home in KC. I got a hold of a pastor in a tiny town. He really discouraged me from coming.

"We are really small and it wouldn't really be worth your while. There's only a few of us older folks on a Sunday night."

"That's okay," I said confidently, "We're driving through on our way home anyway, so it would be a good opportunity to stop and share."

So a couple months later we show up in this town (name withheld) and set up our projector for showing our videos and a table with an assortment of printed materials.

The pastor had indeed predicted correctly. There were six people including the pastor all sporting white hair and a couple of canes. That's okay who knows who will catch the vision for what we do?

The routine was and is that Kerry speaks and shares some videos and then I get up and wrap things up with our testimony. Our total "program" is around 30 minutes usually give or take 5 minutes.

With only seven people in the seats, it was easy to make eye contact with everyone. After I'd been speaking a bit, I realized that everyone was asleep. Except Kerry. Even the little lady at the sound board. All asleep.

I was so stunned that I paused in my speaking. I looked at Kerry who didn't know that they were all asleep. I considered just saying Amen really loud and sitting down. I was contemplating what to do next when my awkward pause awoke the pastor. I decided to finish up with the short version of the talk.

Why Madrid?

We do media work out of Madrid, Spain. It's missionary work that reaches into at least 20 other languages right now and has been in as many as 50 languages at any given time. It's nice to live in Spain, but honestly I'd rather be back in KC with friends and family, but I know I have a mission from God to do this work.

So the most frequently asked question: Why Madrid? The group we work with International Media Ministries used to be in Brussels, Belgium. We thought we were going back there originally, but after we applied to be missionaries the police raided the building in Brussels. The story that I've heard is that they cracked down on visas and someone at the church nearby wasn't quite legal and somehow that spilled across the street to IMM and other ministries. Eventually negotiations opened up the opportunity for the church and school to continue, but the authorities didn't budge on the media people having visas.

So a search started for somewhere else to locate the ministry. We weren't part of this and don't know the whole story except they were looking a lot of places. The Spanish church offered some land and said they believed in IMM. Free land and support, a done deal.

Spain as it turns out is very arid and looks a bit like the lands Jesus walked on earth and so we are able to shoot a lot of things around the corner from our new offices in olive groves. That was an unexpected benefit. Our productions because of people and location, do not look American. That's important when we are sending it into a variety of places in the world, some of which are hostile to the US or don't want to be fed "western" ideas. It's a bit of divine serendipity that occured with the move to Spain.

We are also sort of mid-way in the world for working with people from other cultures on projects be they from Asia, Africa, or other parts of Europe. We are also at hand for the variety of broadcaster meetings and connections that are often made in Europe. This is how we get the products we make out on the airwaves, so the meetings are crucial to getting the good news out to people.

So it has been a blessing we never expected. The people have been very kind to us as foreigners in their land and we have learned a lot living there. We do enjoy our time in Spain, but it's certainly not Kansas.

Fads or phases?

As many of you know, I am deeply moved by the suffering of women caught in human trafficking or living in societies that marginalize women. We are beginning to see a lot on news casts, from non-profits, and religious organizations with these themes. CNN Video and article Iranian women in jeopardy

I am moved to the point of it impacting my life and what I strive to do, but I remember other times when the church or society has gotten behind things and then, well, lost interest. It's not that the issue goes away or is miraculously cured, but I wonder if it is that we wear out our collective consciousness on a certain theme or subject. Am I wrong? Can you see this?

In the 1980s, as a teenager the issue was abortion. Obviously a painful topic for those who have experienced and a sensitive one for those against it. There were conferences and marches and legislation limiting who could get what, where, and where the protesters could stand and so on.

AIDS also arose a bit later in the 80s and through the 90s we heard much about it. Movie stars took up the cause and did fund raisers and raised awareness. Africa has suffered hugely under this burdensome disease. Still no cure, medications to help things, but are we still deeply embedded with the message?

I am not saying, please don't get me wrong, that these example issues are not still important they are. But that's my point, we don't shout as loud as we once did. I'm already concerned about the day we move on from the victims of trafficking. Not that they will all be freed but our consciousness will be called away.

Am I imagining these "fads" of interest or is this real?

Advice for pastors in book form

I heard once that legally you have to disclose if you get a book for free and review it. That may only be in print, but there's my discloser.

This book is aimed at pastors and keep in mind that I am not one, nor have I ever been one. I was intrigued to know what their challenges are because I meet and talk to pastors in the fund raising for missions part of my life.

Dick Hardy takes a down-to-earth no nonsense approach to church management and growth. While he emphasizes time and time again, the need for earnest prayer in the journey the tips he does give are practical.

Twenty-seven Tough Questions Pastors Ask strikes me as a great introductory read in the area of pastoral problems. It is the tip of the proverbial iceberg. It's a small book and could have been expanded to include more detail in specifics. i.e. In discussing a budget: "Always prepare for the worst and when it happens you will not be caught off guard...Be smart and exercise aggressive conservatism in the management of your budget." This IS good advice, but you sort have to know what that means already in order to do it.

If someone has an accompanying natural leadership capability, leadership book, or good street smarts they will get a ton, out of this book. I imagine lots of pastors are leader-ly, but some may need help knowing what that looks like in real life. This book is a step in that direction and leaves room for Hardy to write another book on the subject.

Based on past posts, I should say this book seems to have come through a self-publishing route and it seems to be edited pretty smoothly and have a good look for the cover. It was an interesting peek into the pastoral world. I'm sure it is going to be a good tool to feed into the author's consulting business. www.thehardygroup.org

A New day in publishing

I've been reading articles for a few months now about the state of publishing in the USA and let's just say the ground is shaking.  (Here's a recent LONG article about it.) The industry has been in trouble for a while. They keep putting more money into big name best seller types and squeezing out people who can't produce the best sellers and giving less chance to what we call mid-list authors.

Apparently less people are reading books - there's more and more competition for our free time attention. The strange and interesting thing is that all the ebook type devices (kindle, nook, ipad, etc) is that sales are up. While this is good news, the publishers are in a mess. Massive competition exists for the few dollars a book brings in and how it is divided up (publisher, agent, seller, author).

The ebooks are potentially adding pictures, videos, and graphics to regular books to make them more alluring to people into that AND to be able to possibly charge a little extra for those particular books.

Amazon and I think the Apple people are offering authors a unique chance to sell direct to the public. In the past, "self publishing" has really had a negative reputation, but some already established authors are making some good money on posting their own work for sale direct.  This is a dramatic development.

I personally make no predictions about where this is all going to land and who is going to get paid what by whom. That is for the big dogs to decide. But as an aspiring book author and published short story writer, I feel for the first time a glimmer of hope I haven't felt for a while. To be well respected in the past, you absolutely had to follow the agent/publisher route. As a person who knows how to layout and design a book, I've wondered about the wisdom of doing so. I know professional editing is worth the price and the polish you get, but the selling direct to the audience and cutting out all the people who get a cut of the book price. Wow! Revolutionary stuff going on these days. I wonder if I will get to join in someday.

Itineration Playlist

So part of our itinerate life of fund raising is many hours in the car. Did I say many? So all sorts of things get chatted about when we run out of radio stations. An on going theme from the last time we did this five years ago and still today is the idea of creating a list of songs that go with itinerate fund raising. Now, please, please, please, take this as it is meant -- silly and sarcastic.

The songs either relate to traveling, fund raising, or the heartache of feeling like a salesman on a cold call. Don't be offended as the songs are secular and often there is only one line in the song that applies but it is too good to leave off the list. Also I'm a little embarrassed but the list reflects my age somewhat (and my husbands), so please help me include other eras.

Here is our list, ever growing, and I'd love to hear any other songs that you would add, especially if you are involved in the process of receiving our phone calls or you've had to do something similar.

In no particular order:
I been everywhere man, Johnny Cash
Don't have to live like a refugee, Tom Petty
On the Road Again, Willie Nelson
Ring my bell, Gloria Gaynor
Knockin' on Heaven's Door, Guns N' Roses
I will survive, Gloria Gaynor
Puttin' on the Ritz (take your pick of artists)
Missionary Man, Eurythmics
Blue Morning, Blue Day, Foreigner
Turn the page, Bob Seger
Seven Nation Army, White Stripes (because we have to drive through Wichita a lot and that is mentioned)
Rawhide, Blues Brothers
I can't drive 55, Sammy Hagar
I will do anything for love, Meatloaf
I'll be gone when th morning comes, Meatloaf
Life is bigger than You and you are not me, REM
It's the end of the world as we know it, REM
I won't back down, Tom Petty
Kansas City Here I come, (your pick of artists) This is personal because we live in KC and we are always headed back there.
Life during War Time, Talking Heads
Heartbreak Hotel, Elvis.
Ventura Highway, America
Take the Money and Run, Steve Miller Band
Life in the Fast Lane, Eagles
Every girl's crazy bout a sharp dressed man, ZZtop
Money for Nothing, Dire Straits
Own Personal Jesus, Johnny Cash
On the radio, Donna Summer (as in what is on the...)
Six Months in a Leaky Boat, Split Endz
Hit the Road Jack, Ray Charles
Respect, Aretha Franklin
Living on a Prayer, Bon Jovi
Leaving on a Jet Plane, Peter, Paul and Mary
The Downeaster "Alexa" Billy Joel
I didn't start the fire, Billy Joel
I like to move it, move it, Crazy Frog

Relational connections

We listened to a three hour donor maintenance webinar today that was actually for the ministry we work for, but we couldn't help but draw the personal conclusions since we are in the midst of raising our missions budget.

We have another three hours tomorrow that I think are suppose to be more nitty gritty, so I will be interested to see the details.

A lot of what the firm is suggesting has to do with creating and developing relationship with donors that is beyond asking for money. The good news is that a lot of what we did last time we raised money was instinctively (or left over communications degree knowledge) relational. The only way we knew to work was to get to know people/churches until we finally met our budget.

But now it has to go to deeper. That's what we're learning. Lots of networking, somehow linking your communications medium together (like this blog - or maybe our official missionary one), websites, email etc. Communicating about things that aren't always fund raising. I don't know where to start or how. I want to be really good at helping people know how important their giving is and how much we appreciate their efforts.

What makes you feel connected and want to participate (in a financial or personal way) in a non-profit, charitable or religious organization?

Ring of Fire

A couple weeks ago, I got to witness the spectacular prairie fires of the Flint Hills. During the day, these were marked by giant plumes of smoke billowing in the distance and then as we drew nearer we would see pockets of fire gnawing it's way across cattle country in thin lines. But then we saw them at night. Incredible - one of the new wonders of the world in my opinion. I'm so glad we saw them.

It was other worldly and surreal. Rings of orange fire burning on a totally black background and gray smoke differentiating the sky. The fire burns in small lines and uses up the dried winter wisps of prairie grass. It isn't a raging fire but pockets, lines, and rings. When it meets a damp spot or a gulley, it just dies out.


We read at the truck stop that the fires are set and also occur naturally as lightening strikes with the spring storms. Also the Native American's used to set the fires to have better grazing lands that would attract buffalo herds.

It also said that the fires are good for the vegatation. Apparently a variety of grasses and wildflowers are rooted 10-15 feet deep in the rolling hills and without the fires, the full scope of vegatation won't happen. A couple weeks later driving through the same section, it was already getting green and the parts that had not burned were still a tangle of brown winter grass.

I was thinking how as people it is so hard to change. We don't want the challenges and the suffering that life brings. I was thinking about the economic fire that is burning in the world today. What if we need the surface scorched off in a brief prairie fire in order to let the good, deeper things emerge? Will we know what is important and what our priorities are because we've had to go through this economic fire? God can use the scorched earth of these hard times to bring out the better and deeper things in us. Something beautiful, full, rich and green. If only I can see past the fire, to the wildflowers and bounty beyond.

Green, green, green

After living in a very brown environment, Madrid, Spain, and after surviving the snow every other day winter of Kansas City, I am reveling in the green of spring. Mercifully despite a late snow, it didn't freeze out the flowering trees or bushes and everything has bloomed gloriously. I'm lovin' it!

While the tulip trees are shedding their brief moment of pink and white, I noticed today that many, many yards in the area are rioting with purple violet-type flowers or stalks of light purple flowers and the accompanying dandilions. Green, purple, and yellow. It's a beautiful pallet and I was delighted with it walking today.

Now, I know in, ahem shall we say, other neighborhoods this would not be acceptable. The grass would be a respectable deep green and there would be none of this frolicking of purple and yellow mixed in to the pristine green.

I love, love, love the flower mixture in a yard. It is so casual and happy, even if it is not what a yard is "suppose" to be. I've never had the perfect yard so maybe I'm biased.

On the other hand, a big patch of that perfect green, makes me want to disregard my dignity and roll on my back in the yard like a happy pouch. I guess me wallowing in the perfect greenness would take some of the prperness out of it, huh?