Most of my life I've been a good sleeper. When things get crazy: deadlines, work or travel, I sometimes do more thinking than sleeping. We can all agree that sleep is so sweet if you've missed it or lacked it at some point. Mornings are never my friend.
My father joyed in waking up his grumpy little daughter with a loud voice, bright lights, and shouts of, "Morning, glory!" The funny thing is now that I'm grown up I realize he is not a morning person either. He grunts and muddles through just like I do, but somehow enjoyed tormenting his eldest offspring in this way.
As a child, I was not a napper. I slept well at night but I was rather hostile when made to nap. So dad got some back when I made lot of noise during nap time.
When I was in high school, my parents had a habit of going out to breakfast and I would be chastised if I was still in bed when they got back. This resorted in me jumping out of bed when I heard the garage door and throwing on sweats to pretend that I was really up and at 'em. It was an often feeble attempt to avoid the, "Are you going to stay in bed all day?" discussion. Sometime during college and the first major episode of sleep deprivation I learned the beauty of a good nap and the joy of sleeping in with no one judging.
With no little people to raise, I'm still a big fan of sleeping in on weekends whenever possible. The last few years with the challenges sleeping, I've become even more intense about opportunities to sleep a little extra. I've been accused of not being a grown up in this area but I don't care. The feeling is that strong in me.
The last year has been one of those seasons in my life when sleep has been challenged, but I've developed this odd tick for the first time. I don't know what else to call it.
When I lie down for a nap or for the night, first I relax, pop my neck, breathe deeply. Oh, the bed feels so good....then bam. I'm so tired I start dreaming before my brain is unplugged.
I don't know how to explain it. I start seeing the dreams, but then my conscious mind says, "Yeah, you're dreaming! You are falling asleep!" And this animates me and I wake up again.
Oh the irony of my mind being so desperate for sleep that it is excited enough to wake me up to celebrate the almost-sleep. Does anyone else get that? I've never done that before the last year. It's definitely a strange new hiccup in my falling sleep pattern. The more tired I am the more likely it will happen.
I guess I'll go try to drift off and not get so excited that I wake up. May you have sweet and quiet dreams!
Showing posts with label personality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personality. Show all posts
07 August 2016
23 November 2013
Urban Explorers aka trespassers
I recently tweeted and posted a link to a photographer who goes into abandoned buildings and takes pictures. A couple years ago I also saw a reality TV show on a team of guys who would do these guerrilla break in of places in order to take pictures of abandoned buildings. It sort of fascinates me and brings out the sneaky Scooby-doo feelings. (Loved that show as a kid.)
Once near where I lived an entire neighborhood was condemned. In a rather ominous bureaucratic move, the city decided they needed more commercial zoning and since they were landlocked the way to get it was to condemn a 40 year old neighborhood of small houses. Probably small voices as well. I don't know if the compensation was fair at all, I do know everyone wasn't happy.
Of course, it was prime real estate right along the freeway. One poor disgruntled soul spray painted a protest on the side of his house for everyone on the highway to see as they drove by. In time they were all given a date to get out and a fence was put around the entire four block square. Then it proceeded to sit there untouched for months.
I don't know what came over me but one blustery autumn day my significant other and I decided to explore the now abandoned neighborhood. The main entry street had a bar across it that was locked to keep cars out, but if you were walking there was no impediment to just ducking under the bar. So we did.
This is one of the most bizarre experiences I've had as an adult and it has really stuck with me. I have often described it to people and probably mentioned it in blogs before.
Because no one else was moving in or because they were mad, people had left random things they didn't want in their homes. Also all the doors stood open so in this entire neighborhood you could just randomly wander into the homes.
People had garage sales and just left the things that didn't sell standing on the trestle tables in the drive or garage. I actually picked up a couple little dishes that I still have and use on occasion. Souvenirs of sort.
Clothes were left in closets like someone was coming back. As we walked we managed to get onto creepy stories and in one house freaked ourselves out hearing strange noises. I think in a way it was better than any haunted house experience because it was very mental and real. As I'm prone to do, my imagination ran away with me and I thought someone could be roaming around inside this little neighborhood for weeks hiding, living off food left in cabinets, changing clothes. What if they came on us? What if they were a fugitive? We are in here where no one could hear us if we yelled.
It was a very satisfying, nosy, creepy, adventure and no one the wiser. It didn't occur to me until I read this article (The photos) and looked at his photos that we could have been arrested. The photographer has been arrested a lot for trespassing. I'd like to think we'd have gotten away with a warning and a "get out of here you kids" like Scooby-do and the gang.
We made another memorable trespass adventure now that I think of it, we probably also could have been arrested for too -- but we were young and carefree and enjoyed a good adrenaline kick from being spooked.
It was Halloween in Dover, England. We'd taken the ferry over for the weekend and had no car. We were staying in a little b & b. It was of course cool and rainy, but the b & b was basic to say the least and sitting indoors could get old. So we went out hiking after dinner in the dark and found ourselves exploring all around the grounds of Dover Castle. It was lit up for a nice view from afar, but we stayed to the shadows and poked all around, even tried a few doors I think but didn't get inside the walls. It was great fun and creepy. One of those accidental events that is a memory that sticks with you.
I remember as a kid making up stories and taking turns freaking each other out about the house on the corner that seemed to have no one in it. There's just something fascinating about an empty or abandoned place. The question always lurks - is it really abandoned?
So have you explored any odd urban sites or trespassed? Any you'd like to visit?
Once near where I lived an entire neighborhood was condemned. In a rather ominous bureaucratic move, the city decided they needed more commercial zoning and since they were landlocked the way to get it was to condemn a 40 year old neighborhood of small houses. Probably small voices as well. I don't know if the compensation was fair at all, I do know everyone wasn't happy.
Of course, it was prime real estate right along the freeway. One poor disgruntled soul spray painted a protest on the side of his house for everyone on the highway to see as they drove by. In time they were all given a date to get out and a fence was put around the entire four block square. Then it proceeded to sit there untouched for months.
I don't know what came over me but one blustery autumn day my significant other and I decided to explore the now abandoned neighborhood. The main entry street had a bar across it that was locked to keep cars out, but if you were walking there was no impediment to just ducking under the bar. So we did.
This is one of the most bizarre experiences I've had as an adult and it has really stuck with me. I have often described it to people and probably mentioned it in blogs before.
Because no one else was moving in or because they were mad, people had left random things they didn't want in their homes. Also all the doors stood open so in this entire neighborhood you could just randomly wander into the homes.
People had garage sales and just left the things that didn't sell standing on the trestle tables in the drive or garage. I actually picked up a couple little dishes that I still have and use on occasion. Souvenirs of sort.
Clothes were left in closets like someone was coming back. As we walked we managed to get onto creepy stories and in one house freaked ourselves out hearing strange noises. I think in a way it was better than any haunted house experience because it was very mental and real. As I'm prone to do, my imagination ran away with me and I thought someone could be roaming around inside this little neighborhood for weeks hiding, living off food left in cabinets, changing clothes. What if they came on us? What if they were a fugitive? We are in here where no one could hear us if we yelled.
It was a very satisfying, nosy, creepy, adventure and no one the wiser. It didn't occur to me until I read this article (The photos) and looked at his photos that we could have been arrested. The photographer has been arrested a lot for trespassing. I'd like to think we'd have gotten away with a warning and a "get out of here you kids" like Scooby-do and the gang.
We made another memorable trespass adventure now that I think of it, we probably also could have been arrested for too -- but we were young and carefree and enjoyed a good adrenaline kick from being spooked.
It was Halloween in Dover, England. We'd taken the ferry over for the weekend and had no car. We were staying in a little b & b. It was of course cool and rainy, but the b & b was basic to say the least and sitting indoors could get old. So we went out hiking after dinner in the dark and found ourselves exploring all around the grounds of Dover Castle. It was lit up for a nice view from afar, but we stayed to the shadows and poked all around, even tried a few doors I think but didn't get inside the walls. It was great fun and creepy. One of those accidental events that is a memory that sticks with you.
I remember as a kid making up stories and taking turns freaking each other out about the house on the corner that seemed to have no one in it. There's just something fascinating about an empty or abandoned place. The question always lurks - is it really abandoned?
So have you explored any odd urban sites or trespassed? Any you'd like to visit?
06 October 2013
Psyching yourself out
Breathe in, breathe out. I went thru a spell a while back where it felt like I couldn't get my breath. I told a stomach doctor that after I eat sometimes I feel like can't breathe very well. He said don't eat so much. Thanks, I couldn't have figured that out by myself. But in reality it didn't seem to be related to the food. I also noticed the sensation of being short of air when I lay down at night.
I recognized lying in the darkness that I could escalate the situation or calm it simply by how I thought about it. I could concentrate on the tightness in my abs or I could concentrate on air flowing in and out of my chest as I breathed slowly and steadily.
I started thinking about the power of the mind. As a writer, I do often try to get inside people's heads. The thing is I'm not a super psychology student and it's not my first instinct to look into the thoughts or motivations of someone else. I like plot so I easily get swept away in the activities. Next they did this, and then they did that.
But seeing in myself my own "opportunity" to talk myself into near panic over catching my breath or calming myself down if I talked differently made me think about the psychology of characters and strangers more.
A friend of mine described how she took the anger level of driving way down by imagining that the person that cut her off had to pee or was on their way to an emergency. Or even she could imagine that they were having a really bad day and if cutting her off could make them feel more in control of their lives maybe they just needed that at the moment and she would "give" them that.
The power of our thoughts on our perspective is amazing really. You hear stories of the bitter victims of disease faring worse than those who make peace with it and fight on. In both cases they are fighting but one seems to do so with more grace and sometimes more success.
Whatever was causing my own breathing issues went away on it's own with no medical intervention. I could have spent a lot of time in emergency rooms at bedtime had I listened to the panic voice in my head. Instead, I concentrated on the air I did have. I wonder what other situations in life I could adjust the way I see? Opportunity or problem? I think in psychology they would call it "reframing" how I look at the situation.
So as I'm beginning to think of my next book I'm going to write I'm trying to imagine what kind of psychological journey I can take my characters on this time. From panic to serene? Maybe that's a bit too much, but it makes me want to look at how people cope and their motivations more.
I recognized lying in the darkness that I could escalate the situation or calm it simply by how I thought about it. I could concentrate on the tightness in my abs or I could concentrate on air flowing in and out of my chest as I breathed slowly and steadily.
I started thinking about the power of the mind. As a writer, I do often try to get inside people's heads. The thing is I'm not a super psychology student and it's not my first instinct to look into the thoughts or motivations of someone else. I like plot so I easily get swept away in the activities. Next they did this, and then they did that.
But seeing in myself my own "opportunity" to talk myself into near panic over catching my breath or calming myself down if I talked differently made me think about the psychology of characters and strangers more.
A friend of mine described how she took the anger level of driving way down by imagining that the person that cut her off had to pee or was on their way to an emergency. Or even she could imagine that they were having a really bad day and if cutting her off could make them feel more in control of their lives maybe they just needed that at the moment and she would "give" them that.
The power of our thoughts on our perspective is amazing really. You hear stories of the bitter victims of disease faring worse than those who make peace with it and fight on. In both cases they are fighting but one seems to do so with more grace and sometimes more success.
Whatever was causing my own breathing issues went away on it's own with no medical intervention. I could have spent a lot of time in emergency rooms at bedtime had I listened to the panic voice in my head. Instead, I concentrated on the air I did have. I wonder what other situations in life I could adjust the way I see? Opportunity or problem? I think in psychology they would call it "reframing" how I look at the situation.
So as I'm beginning to think of my next book I'm going to write I'm trying to imagine what kind of psychological journey I can take my characters on this time. From panic to serene? Maybe that's a bit too much, but it makes me want to look at how people cope and their motivations more.
25 August 2013
Book hunting in the e-world
I was shuffling papers on a desk I only store things on since I carry the laptop around and slouch on the sofas these days. I noticed a pile of bookmarks and flyers about books in one of my cubbyholes. They are from a mystery convention I went to years ago, a mystery book store I frequented in the USA when I lived there, and maybe a couple that were direct marketing pieces from Sisters In Crime, a group I belong to, as well.
I realized I don't think I've ever gone to that pile of papers to look for a book title to read. Despite having kept these and toted them between two or three residences, I don't think to go look there. And despite having read the cards and kept them because they seemed interesting to me.
This got me thinking about how finding books has changed. I blogged a year ago about this a little bit too.
Now, I'm involved with Mystery Readers Corner on Facebook. It's a private group and for a good reason - though if you're a mystery reader you can ask to be a part. I was involved with two other groups on Facebook that turned into marketing blitzes by authors who didn't realize a little decorum might be called for. Posting about your book and it alone every day is a turn off. Those of you who follow me know I try to keep it fun, light, hopefully interesting and occasionally I mention my book stuff.
Anyway - on Mystery Readers Corner I hear about books everyday. Often I don't have time to pursue it but when I do and I like the way something sounds I try to put it on my GoodReads list. (Me on GoodReads) This way I maintain a digital list that doesn't accumulate papers in a cubbyhole in my house. By far this is not all the books I'm interested in but it gives me a place to start.
Though many of my GoodReads list are also ones I saw on GoodReads when I was shopping for a specific destination book and now that I'm not going to that city they don't hold as much appeal. They have a page of Around the World in 80 books that has a page listing books by place, for me the challenge is they are not all mysteries and it just depends on my mood. It's a fun list to look at though. They also do a challenge of reading around the world in a year or countries that touch each other etc. I have never taken the challenge but it's fun to see the suggestions. This too is a place I find books.
One of the most helpful things for choosing a book or adding it to my wishlist on these page feeds is when someone describes the tone of a book. I don't always want too much of a plot summary, but I do want to know if they liked it and if it was dark, light, serious, police procedural, historical, cozy etc. These words help me know according to my mood if that is a direction I'm ready to go on my next read. I don't always get to maintain that little tone-tidbit when I put it on GoodReads but I at least know it appealed to me on a specific day.
One thing I've noticed on various list feeds is that I feel like a very slow reader comparatively and a very behind the times reader. I grew up scavenging books not getting them new, so I wasn't one to rush out and buy new until I got an ereader. I'm very rarely on the latest of anyone's series and as there are so many good books in the world I'm often picking up ones from a few years ago that aren't so expensive. So I guess even as an ereader, I'm still scavenging rather than looking at the latest and greatest, but hearing what people like in the latest and greatest gives me something to look forward to, maybe in a couple years.
Are you finding books differently and keeping track of them differently than you used to?
I realized I don't think I've ever gone to that pile of papers to look for a book title to read. Despite having kept these and toted them between two or three residences, I don't think to go look there. And despite having read the cards and kept them because they seemed interesting to me.
This got me thinking about how finding books has changed. I blogged a year ago about this a little bit too.
Now, I'm involved with Mystery Readers Corner on Facebook. It's a private group and for a good reason - though if you're a mystery reader you can ask to be a part. I was involved with two other groups on Facebook that turned into marketing blitzes by authors who didn't realize a little decorum might be called for. Posting about your book and it alone every day is a turn off. Those of you who follow me know I try to keep it fun, light, hopefully interesting and occasionally I mention my book stuff.
Anyway - on Mystery Readers Corner I hear about books everyday. Often I don't have time to pursue it but when I do and I like the way something sounds I try to put it on my GoodReads list. (Me on GoodReads) This way I maintain a digital list that doesn't accumulate papers in a cubbyhole in my house. By far this is not all the books I'm interested in but it gives me a place to start.
Though many of my GoodReads list are also ones I saw on GoodReads when I was shopping for a specific destination book and now that I'm not going to that city they don't hold as much appeal. They have a page of Around the World in 80 books that has a page listing books by place, for me the challenge is they are not all mysteries and it just depends on my mood. It's a fun list to look at though. They also do a challenge of reading around the world in a year or countries that touch each other etc. I have never taken the challenge but it's fun to see the suggestions. This too is a place I find books.
One of the most helpful things for choosing a book or adding it to my wishlist on these page feeds is when someone describes the tone of a book. I don't always want too much of a plot summary, but I do want to know if they liked it and if it was dark, light, serious, police procedural, historical, cozy etc. These words help me know according to my mood if that is a direction I'm ready to go on my next read. I don't always get to maintain that little tone-tidbit when I put it on GoodReads but I at least know it appealed to me on a specific day.
One thing I've noticed on various list feeds is that I feel like a very slow reader comparatively and a very behind the times reader. I grew up scavenging books not getting them new, so I wasn't one to rush out and buy new until I got an ereader. I'm very rarely on the latest of anyone's series and as there are so many good books in the world I'm often picking up ones from a few years ago that aren't so expensive. So I guess even as an ereader, I'm still scavenging rather than looking at the latest and greatest, but hearing what people like in the latest and greatest gives me something to look forward to, maybe in a couple years.
Are you finding books differently and keeping track of them differently than you used to?
11 August 2013
Self discovery oddly enough via Pinterest
I'm not an avid pinner. I have a few boards. One is for characters in my books, one is for books I like. One I called "Food I Will Likely Never Make" because I'm a big one for looking but not actually doing -- as I suspect a lot of pinterest is.
The food page is where I made my self discovery. I opened the board for the first time looking for something I thought I'd put there that maybe I would consider making depending on the ingredients. What I discovered is that I am obsessed by the same basic foods.
I have pinned several versions of macaroni and cheese. I know, what am I 12?! Oh comfort food, I love you.
I would have admitted before looking at this that I like cinnamon rolls. Based on the board, I have to say I REALLY like cinnamon rolls. The shameful revelation is that I've never made them and my vehement pinning of cinnamon rolls is the hunt for a recipe that will finally be easy enough that I will actually try. I often eat cinnamon rolls and think I want MORE cinnamon. It seems that I secretly dream of a day when I find a recipe that doesn't involve raising, waiting two hours and kneading etc. but allows for easy mix up dough and LOTS of cinnamon. Disclaimer: I'm living in a country that doesn't have cinnamon rolls (except for Starbucks) so this may be part of my obsession.
I pin a lot of enchilada related things. Enchilada soup, avocado enchiladas, chicken for enchiladas in the crockpot. If I go to a Mexican restaurant, I often order burritos so this is intriguing that I pin enchilada related things. I do love anything in the Mexican/tex-mex genre. On a side note: I have NOT pinned the four billion versions of adding things to guacamole. Why mess with something that is pretty much perfect? Corn and goat cheese in my guac? No, thanks. But I digress.
I have pinned frozen desserts that don't require an ice cream maker. Granted I've at least chosen two different flavors but I see a pattern again. Few ingredients and a pan in the freezer. I'm looking for the easy dessert fix apparently.
Overnight French Toast is another biggie with me I hadn't realized. Not sure I'm a fan of french toast to the point of obsession and repeated pinning, but I think the truth is, I love the idea of breakfast just being there when I get up on weekends. So the idea of french toast in a crock pot that would be all gooey and ready is appealing. I tried a breakfast egg casserole in the crock pot a few months ago for dinner. Turns out my crock pot here in Spain cooks super hot and scorched the heck out of those eggs in about 6 hours instead of 8. So much for the overnight idea. Scorched french toast just isn't as appealing, nor is getting up at, say, 3 am to turn it on so it's not scorched by morning. This is probably not going to happen. Ever. Thanks goodness for my significant other making muffins, smoothies and such! whew.
A lot of my recipe pins are crock pot ones, as I'm apparently on the trail of homemade food that I don't have to spend much time making happen. I want to eat well I just don't want to participate much. It's another pattern I didn't know was there.
The one trait I'm a bit horrified to admit that the pattern shows is I want it easy and effortless. I wish I was one of those people that enjoys the process and the art. That would seem more noble. I just like to eat yummy-ness but prefer minimal effort which doesn't always go together I find.
I wonder if everyone could go to wherever they hoard recipes and find a pattern? Do you have any food obsessions that you KNOW about or will it come out in some public forum someday?
The food page is where I made my self discovery. I opened the board for the first time looking for something I thought I'd put there that maybe I would consider making depending on the ingredients. What I discovered is that I am obsessed by the same basic foods.
I have pinned several versions of macaroni and cheese. I know, what am I 12?! Oh comfort food, I love you.
I would have admitted before looking at this that I like cinnamon rolls. Based on the board, I have to say I REALLY like cinnamon rolls. The shameful revelation is that I've never made them and my vehement pinning of cinnamon rolls is the hunt for a recipe that will finally be easy enough that I will actually try. I often eat cinnamon rolls and think I want MORE cinnamon. It seems that I secretly dream of a day when I find a recipe that doesn't involve raising, waiting two hours and kneading etc. but allows for easy mix up dough and LOTS of cinnamon. Disclaimer: I'm living in a country that doesn't have cinnamon rolls (except for Starbucks) so this may be part of my obsession.
I pin a lot of enchilada related things. Enchilada soup, avocado enchiladas, chicken for enchiladas in the crockpot. If I go to a Mexican restaurant, I often order burritos so this is intriguing that I pin enchilada related things. I do love anything in the Mexican/tex-mex genre. On a side note: I have NOT pinned the four billion versions of adding things to guacamole. Why mess with something that is pretty much perfect? Corn and goat cheese in my guac? No, thanks. But I digress.
I have pinned frozen desserts that don't require an ice cream maker. Granted I've at least chosen two different flavors but I see a pattern again. Few ingredients and a pan in the freezer. I'm looking for the easy dessert fix apparently.
Overnight French Toast is another biggie with me I hadn't realized. Not sure I'm a fan of french toast to the point of obsession and repeated pinning, but I think the truth is, I love the idea of breakfast just being there when I get up on weekends. So the idea of french toast in a crock pot that would be all gooey and ready is appealing. I tried a breakfast egg casserole in the crock pot a few months ago for dinner. Turns out my crock pot here in Spain cooks super hot and scorched the heck out of those eggs in about 6 hours instead of 8. So much for the overnight idea. Scorched french toast just isn't as appealing, nor is getting up at, say, 3 am to turn it on so it's not scorched by morning. This is probably not going to happen. Ever. Thanks goodness for my significant other making muffins, smoothies and such! whew.
A lot of my recipe pins are crock pot ones, as I'm apparently on the trail of homemade food that I don't have to spend much time making happen. I want to eat well I just don't want to participate much. It's another pattern I didn't know was there.
The one trait I'm a bit horrified to admit that the pattern shows is I want it easy and effortless. I wish I was one of those people that enjoys the process and the art. That would seem more noble. I just like to eat yummy-ness but prefer minimal effort which doesn't always go together I find.
I wonder if everyone could go to wherever they hoard recipes and find a pattern? Do you have any food obsessions that you KNOW about or will it come out in some public forum someday?
29 June 2011
Honesty in writing
In writing circles you hear a lot about honesty in your writing. It's something that perplexes me and yet in another way I understand it. I'm not sure I've acheived it in all I write yet.
I know they mean sincerity and not forcing things into the story that don't belong just because you want to talk about them subtly. The story needs to be real and hang together in its own storyline skin. I know what they mean and I know when I read something that doesn't follow this rule.
In fiction, however, you're always making it up. I haven't killed anyone (yet) but I make up stories where people get killed. In fact, the tradition I was raised in makes it hard for me -- being true to my own self -- to even put a swear word in a bad guy's mouth. But the bad guy would say the word. It's just that I wouldn't.
I also cry out to God at the slightest hint of challenge or distress. If I was "honest" literally all my characters would do this too. Instead, I must listen to the character and the story and be true to that story as it germinates in my brain. It's hard not to redirect based on something I can hear my mom saying, or my friends saying.
I'm reading a rather fresh tongue in cheek travelogue. I know at times the author has added to the story and yet it is truly in his own voice. I can feel that. It inspires me to try my hand at some bits of honest nonfiction. Okay, if I'm really honest, it would be sarcastic nonfiction.
I know they mean sincerity and not forcing things into the story that don't belong just because you want to talk about them subtly. The story needs to be real and hang together in its own storyline skin. I know what they mean and I know when I read something that doesn't follow this rule.
In fiction, however, you're always making it up. I haven't killed anyone (yet) but I make up stories where people get killed. In fact, the tradition I was raised in makes it hard for me -- being true to my own self -- to even put a swear word in a bad guy's mouth. But the bad guy would say the word. It's just that I wouldn't.
I also cry out to God at the slightest hint of challenge or distress. If I was "honest" literally all my characters would do this too. Instead, I must listen to the character and the story and be true to that story as it germinates in my brain. It's hard not to redirect based on something I can hear my mom saying, or my friends saying.
I'm reading a rather fresh tongue in cheek travelogue. I know at times the author has added to the story and yet it is truly in his own voice. I can feel that. It inspires me to try my hand at some bits of honest nonfiction. Okay, if I'm really honest, it would be sarcastic nonfiction.
14 February 2011
Lessons not learned
I guess there are things that are going to be a challenge all my days. I look back at things I blogged about last year that still haunt me. Or something I'll read in a book or the Bible one day that seems so apropos and so applicable and then I can't seem to make it work in my soul the very next day. Apparently "getting it right" (is that a perfectionist voice sticking out?) isn't goine to be a one time project but an ongoing life long process. I remember as a teenager recognizing that I am overly self-sufficient (self dependent?) and have struggled to put things in God's hands. So what do I struggle with when I'm ahem, 40-something? I'm self-sufficient and don't trust.
Last year I blogged in "I'm damaging my calm" about knowing God's love is unconditional and yet finding myself straining and thinking well, if I tried harder at this or that....maybe I'd get better results. I blame myself for the results rather than trusting in a loving God who cares about me and living whole in that, end of sentence, nothing to do with what I DO.
One thing that I know that is a constant challenge for me is not knowing when enough is enough. In the fund raising process, as I've complained a few times in the last year, it is slow and there is very little feedback on whether things are working or not. So that "getting it right" voice, says, "well, maybe if you....fill in the blank." I have over the last year or maybe always not known when I've done my best and when I've crossed the line into striving. This has come at the price of a deep exhaustion this year. Do you have any tricks for knowing when enough is enough?
The odd thing is I still know and believe but somehow don't know how to function in the fact that I am God's precious child. I do not need to earn his acceptance or approval but simply accept that love. But I am the child on the swings, sure of the Father's love, yet calling out to him, "Do you see me? See how high I swing? Is it good?" And I think all the time, He may be trying to get me to go inside and have a nap.
Last year I blogged in "I'm damaging my calm" about knowing God's love is unconditional and yet finding myself straining and thinking well, if I tried harder at this or that....maybe I'd get better results. I blame myself for the results rather than trusting in a loving God who cares about me and living whole in that, end of sentence, nothing to do with what I DO.
One thing that I know that is a constant challenge for me is not knowing when enough is enough. In the fund raising process, as I've complained a few times in the last year, it is slow and there is very little feedback on whether things are working or not. So that "getting it right" voice, says, "well, maybe if you....fill in the blank." I have over the last year or maybe always not known when I've done my best and when I've crossed the line into striving. This has come at the price of a deep exhaustion this year. Do you have any tricks for knowing when enough is enough?
The odd thing is I still know and believe but somehow don't know how to function in the fact that I am God's precious child. I do not need to earn his acceptance or approval but simply accept that love. But I am the child on the swings, sure of the Father's love, yet calling out to him, "Do you see me? See how high I swing? Is it good?" And I think all the time, He may be trying to get me to go inside and have a nap.
31 January 2011
Linear brains vs shapes brains
People seem to come in two thought process categories. Those who think linearly and those who, well, don't follow the straight line, it's more of a free association of ideas. They see things differently and we need both in the world.
I read an organizational article describe it as the pilers versus filers. The visual among us need to see the papers or the objects that need attention. The filers can put these same objects in a file drawer in a folder and still do the task or find that paper and make it useful at the appropriate time. I'm a piler. If it needs to be done or dealt with, it needs to be where I can lay eyes on it. I use a file cabinet for deep storage, like receipts for next year's taxes. It's not something that needs to be dealt with on any regular basis or soon. It's very hard for me after I've been on kick of putting things away because I can't find anything. Usually something terribly important is missing after these organizational bouts. I KNEW where it was when it was in the pile on the desk. If you are not a piler, you will not understand what I have just described.The disadvantage is it leads to lots of piles and it's not pretty. I've tried bags - that is taking all those stray canvas bags and putting all associated things in a bag. It hasn't worked very well. Unseen, undone, unuseful.
Another way of looking at these different patterns is a formal outline versus a sort of free shaping brainstorm. I was at a seminar where this was described a couple times and I can't remember or find on line what the real name is. Rather than I. A. a. B. b., you take a piece of paper with your main idea in a circle in the middle. Then you sort of free associate anything related that you can think of in other smaller circles on the page and you can eventually connect the circles that go together. It ends up as a series of shapes and lines, like a sloppy line drawing. It sounds messy, but for those non linear people it is very helpful. It turns the idea into a shape or visual that you can begin to manage.
One interesting thing I've noticed about this lately is that these two categories do not necessarily line up with personality types. I hear people say they are a big idea person and not one for details. I think the idea people and the detail people can be on both sides of the linear versus shapes thought processes.
I can be the idea person and often am, but I can execute the details too. It's odd to me that so many people see that as an either or question. Yet, how can I be a detail person and yet not be linear in my thinking? Or is it that I don't think linearly enough so I run rampant around my mind in circles until I've covered as many details as I can think of? I'm not sure I know the answer. I know it's not a straight line.
So which are you?
I read an organizational article describe it as the pilers versus filers. The visual among us need to see the papers or the objects that need attention. The filers can put these same objects in a file drawer in a folder and still do the task or find that paper and make it useful at the appropriate time. I'm a piler. If it needs to be done or dealt with, it needs to be where I can lay eyes on it. I use a file cabinet for deep storage, like receipts for next year's taxes. It's not something that needs to be dealt with on any regular basis or soon. It's very hard for me after I've been on kick of putting things away because I can't find anything. Usually something terribly important is missing after these organizational bouts. I KNEW where it was when it was in the pile on the desk. If you are not a piler, you will not understand what I have just described.The disadvantage is it leads to lots of piles and it's not pretty. I've tried bags - that is taking all those stray canvas bags and putting all associated things in a bag. It hasn't worked very well. Unseen, undone, unuseful.
Another way of looking at these different patterns is a formal outline versus a sort of free shaping brainstorm. I was at a seminar where this was described a couple times and I can't remember or find on line what the real name is. Rather than I. A. a. B. b., you take a piece of paper with your main idea in a circle in the middle. Then you sort of free associate anything related that you can think of in other smaller circles on the page and you can eventually connect the circles that go together. It ends up as a series of shapes and lines, like a sloppy line drawing. It sounds messy, but for those non linear people it is very helpful. It turns the idea into a shape or visual that you can begin to manage.
One interesting thing I've noticed about this lately is that these two categories do not necessarily line up with personality types. I hear people say they are a big idea person and not one for details. I think the idea people and the detail people can be on both sides of the linear versus shapes thought processes.
I can be the idea person and often am, but I can execute the details too. It's odd to me that so many people see that as an either or question. Yet, how can I be a detail person and yet not be linear in my thinking? Or is it that I don't think linearly enough so I run rampant around my mind in circles until I've covered as many details as I can think of? I'm not sure I know the answer. I know it's not a straight line.
So which are you?
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